I could wallow in self-pity. And a lot of people would rush to my side and say that I am perfectly justified. Why would I want to do that though? It’s not something I consciously want to do. I don’t want to have a pity party and have people feel sorry for me.
There are times though, that I do it unconsciously. I tend to get in a slump….just wanting to stay in the house and sleep or watch movies and eat junk food. I justify it by saying, “I deserve this.” I deserve to relax,” But it never ends up feeling like relaxing. At the end of the day I have no sense of accomplishment and have only pushed myself down further into the abyss. I start to get depressed without even seeing it happening. I make excuses to avoid social gatherings. I justify being lazy. Really that is all it is. Laziness. It is me allowing Satan to help me justify not fighting. It is moving in the direction of giving up instead of persevering. It is falling further and further away from God and from His plan. And the further I allow myself to fall, the harder it is to see the path I need to take.
I open my bible, or read an uplifting blog post, or hear a song on the local christian station; and the fog begins to lift. I have to move. I can’t stay still. That is the secret. Jesus said “Let your light so shine”. I have to stay in the light to shine my own light. It’s not always easy; but one step at a time. Even if it’s just a baby step…I will find that open window. I will go through it and the answer will be there.
My friend, I know you have struggled to. Perhaps you are struggling now. Don’t let your light go out. Keep fighting, pushing, praying. We can conquer this! You and me and Jesus.
…. in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ~Romans 8:37